Loosis
Loosis is a being of immense power(a crow.) He s known for his criminal record across McDonald's McCountry, or known simply as The U.S.A, and his depressingly retarded name. Origins Loosis was born in the depths of Nebraska, to two parents, both of which he killed immediately after being born. He sold their bodies on the black market, which he now owns and controls along with Satan. A small fraction of people fear him, but most don't because he's a fucking crow. Despite his avian origins, he is basically a Demon, but not, because he is instead a direct ally of Satan, so basically just Demon 2.0. Loosis' parents were known criminals, where they killed kids for Wendy's hamburgers and trafficked The Devil's Lettuce. Loosis followed in his parent's footsteps in every way, from raping pigeons on the street to selling organs and blood to shady people in Nebraskan alleyways. One day, he stole a lollipop from a toddler, and was immediately arrested. Little did the dumbass police know, human handcuffs cannot restrain a crow, which has literally no arms. An ankle tracker remained on him, which he has since hacked to use as communication between his retarded kids and small crow army. Crimes Loosis is most well known for rampaging with kitchen knives and ripping out peoples organs with them. Loosis is however no stranger to larger weapons, such as chainsaws, and was once spotted operating ((wip)). Along with murder, Loosis also steals valuables, usually gems and diamonds and historical artifacts. He especially loves Gold, proven by reports of Loosis fucking a 20 pound bar of solid gold. Loosis also operates a white van, which has been observed to frequently have the screams of young children escaping the walls. Cameras Loosis is ectremely good at destroying cameras, and is often never seen destroying them, and even if he is, it is only for a split second. Relatives As mentioned previously, Loosis has 8 retarded children. These children weren't really born from him, but he is responsible for their existence. They're less powerful than him, but their worst problem is their intelligence, which averages about 20-5 points, up to 975 points lower than Loosis', which proves just how truly fucking retarded they are. They for the most part just steal from Target, but one of them often smokes The Devil's Lettuce with their father, which is family bonding if i've ever seen it. Relationships Loosis doesn't really have friends, mostly because he would just sell their organs on the Black Market, but also because he hates everyone. He knows some people, but he couldn't give less of a shit about their existence for the most part. Satan Satan is the closest think Loosis will ever have to a real friend, but Satan is for the most part just his manager. Loosis provides a shit load of money to the black market, and is the top manager, so Satan appreciates not having to do more work. Gubble Gubble frequently attempts to vaporize the shit out of Loosis, despite the fact Loosis is an inhabitant of Hell. As if it would ever matter, because Loosis can easily avoid them, so Gubble just acts as an annoying obstacle to The Portal. Alex Loosis met Alex in Fucking Nowhere, where Alex basically became a parasite on Loosis. He didnt fucking leave. Ever. Eventually, Alex got bored, and left him alone for awhile, but insists they are friends. Somehow. Gallery (WIP) Loosissmoke2.jpg|Loosis smoking with one of his children. Loosisgolfball.jpg|loosis deepthroating a golfball Chickknife.jpg|One of Loosis' children holding a toy knife. Loosischainsaw.jpg|Loosis operating a chainsaw. Loosissmoke1.jpg|Loosis smoking by himself. Loosisegg.jpg|Loosis holding an egg. It is unknown why, or what the egg is from. Category:Stuff That'll Most Likely Kill You Category:Characters Category:Bad Guys Category:Not Gay Category:Minor Characters Category:Hell